Seriously.

I cant believe its already august, and I cant believe its already the 5th of august when I finally have time to say that I cant believe its already august! Whaaat the helllllll. Can I have my summer back, please? 

August is just going to be busy busy busy, too. I'm in the process of tons of things... really. I feel overwhelmed, but excited. I'm waiting on school to finally let me schedule classes... and when I get to do that I need to figure out my work schedule for fall. I'm getting really impatient about all of that since I just want to schedule and know already! I guess thats what I get for being a returning student! Hey, at least everyone at this school is actually happy and willing to talk to you and help... unlike my previous school for a semester. I'd never go back! I'm so happy to be returning to the school I love. I only left because they didnt have the program I wanted... but things have changed!

I'm also waiting on foster care. I've received the letter back and now I'm waiting for the licensing lady or whatever she's called (haha) to get back to me. When I called to check on the status of things, I was told it'd be this week... so hopefully thursday or friday we'll get the ball rolling. If things work out, I'm totally excited about this. I know how difficult it'll be... but I'm very excited. You have no idea... really. And if things dont work out right now... I'll wait until they do =). 

Now, on top of THAT... my sister is looking to move to the city once she gets the okay from her PT as far as to when she can go back to work with her hand and such. Which means she'd need a place to live. Which means my place. Ahhh. The thing is, if the foster care works out... she'd need to go through all of the checks and stuff as well, and then we'd have to move, aaahhhhh! But I wouldn't mind. I love this place, but I'd love getting a 3 bedroom apartment... in a house that is. Ideally, that'd be what I'd like, but until my sister can land a job down here and we'll know how much she'd be making... that cant happen. Plus, we'd have to share a room until then.... or at least after the foster care placement. So its kind of up in the air right now. 

Ridiculous! 


But, on the plus side... I haven't gained any weight. I've seriously been so busy... I think thats helping a lot. I have a week off next week, so I need to make sure to keep up the activity level and keep watching the food. State fair is next week, too... we'll see how that goes, haha. I might blow it that day! We'll see =)

 

I cant believe how good I felt last night after getting out there to do some walking/running. Granted, it was more walking than running, but I did do some running! I came home last night and mapped it to see how far I actually did go, and it was a mile and a half. Not bad... for the first go. Today was going to be rest day, but I ended up taking Maddie for a walk to the library and then after we walked straight to pick Hudson up, then back home. I mapped that when I got home and it was 2.25 miles. It was hot out, and I was definitely sweating, but it wasnt like last night... but it was a good work out, especially the last mile or so... pushing both maddie and hudson back. Gosh they're heavy! So, tomorrow will be rest day... unless I'm feeling up to doing some walking/running again that night. 

I'm very excited to go 'home' this weekend... I havent been there in 4 weeks... and I can honestly say that this is my longest stretch of not being home in 2009. Seriously. There was just so much that went down starting in January and has finally subided in July. Phew! Plus, this weekend I'll see my cousin (always a bonus!) and it'll be a 5 day weekend for me... and I get to see and spend the night with the gartons! totally awesome. I'm excited for what this weekend holds =). Then I come back for 2 days to work (haha) then the women's camping trip with church fri-sun and then I'm off again from monday until the following wednesday. Sweeeeet (minus the whole not making any money deal). I'm looking forward to my "summer vacation"... even if im not going anywhere! 

 

 So today after I picked H up from camp, He asked if we could go to mcdonalds for lunch. (i knew it was coming, just as it had everytime i picked him up for the last 3 weeks... that kid is persistant!) I had said no, lets think of somewhere else to go (i've been totally avoiding mcdonalds at all cost, even the disappointment of children, haha). We sat in the car and thought and thought and thought about where to go, and finally I just said fine, we'll go to mcdonalds. (I figured I'd use my flex points if it didnt fit into my daily points allowance) They were never so happy to hear me say yes about mcdonalds, ever, haha. We did go, and I did eat mcdonalds... but lucky for me, i had a low point breakfast and was planning to have leftover chicken soup that i made last night for dinner... which totally isnt many points at all (mostly for the chicken)... which I counted as around 8pts anyways, just to be safe. So, with this morning and then lunch and now dinner, I have a total of 37 points. Not bad! I could have a fudgesicle for a treat later (0pts, yes!) and I'll be totally fine with today.

Also, I totally felt SO guilty about the mcdonalds for lunch that the kids and I took a nice bike ride (and by the kids and I, I mean just me... pulling them in the bike trailer) down a wooded trail in the neighborhood. We ventured on the nice, straight, level, paved trail for a good mile or so, then we hit the not so nice trail of curves, hills, and puddles... aye yi yi. Talk about a workout! My legs are gonna be hurting tomorrow! (not to mention that its only about the 3rd time i've been on a bike all summer, haha)... So at least I feel better about getting some activity in! 

Tomorrow will be better, promise. =)

 

I'm going to be really strict this next week and use weight watchers and see what the difference is... except i have to NOT weigh myself, haha. I always seem to end up weighing myself everyday, even though I say I wont. I'll write down my "starting weight" for this morning, and then check it next tuesday morning. Again, I'll be in town this weekend so it wont be too difficult. I dont really have anything out of the ordinary this week, besides harry potter and I was fine not getting "snackies" last time I went, so I'll be good this time. If i do, I'll get something and plan for it in my points.  Here's what I have so far:

1 cup Total cinnamon crunch w/o milk: 3pts
1 Peach Fiber One yogurt: 1pt

Breakfast: 4pts. 

I get a total of 36 points a day... which seems like a lot to me, and i remember it seeming like a lot when i started last time, too... so we'll see how this goes. I remember having quite a few points left at the ends of my first days, so we'll see how I manage to fill them up this time. I'll update with what I ate later today. I am managing to eat the entire yogurt cups... 1, because they are so small, and 2, because i dont hold them and get it even slightly warm, which totally makes me gag, haha. Warm yogurt... yuuuuuck. Ice cold, baby.

Well, its almost been a week since I started all of this... and I must admit, I didn't do so hot. Granted, I've been making much healthier choices than I would have been, thats for sure. I'm consciously eating, unlike before where I'd just eat whatever was there. As much as I like just making "healthier choices"... its not working for me. I dont feel like im eating right and I dont like that. I think I'm going to try to go by weight watchers points for now... it makes it easier for me to keep track of what I eat and how much, etc. It is a lot more work when you're first starting out, but once you know the points for a food item, you can eat it without figuring out the points, which I like. Each time I've been on weight watchers I've lost around 5 lbs in the 1st week alone, then 2-3 the next week. I could definitely work towards that! The next two weekends I'll be at home, so that'll help a lot... not being away for the weekend. 

On a completely un-related note... I'm submitting my application to provide foster care tomorrow.... and by submitting, I mean putting it in the mail, haha. I honestly have no idea if I'll get accepted or not, but I think unless I have a REALLY good reason for not "passing" they're going to accept anyone... since they need about 400 new families in just this city alone. The intro meeting I went to scared me. I'll be honest. When the lady said "when you walk out of here tonight, over half of you wont fill out and turn in your application"... that hit me. They do all of this work... have all of these meetings, and less than half apply. I thought about it for two weeks and decided that I'd still like to do it... It was over the 4th holiday that I realized how I would have loved having a child with that wouldn't otherwise get to experience the fireworks, cotton candy, parades and have a fun, carefree day along with me. I know the need is out there, and I'm ready to help. I just hope everything goes well. If I dont get accepted, I just need to trust that God's telling me right now is not the right time. We'll see what happens. 

I'm also going back to school this fall for social work, so I'm excited for that, too. Its at my old school which I loved... which makes me happy. Im really excited that I finally have something I think I'll enjoy doing. I know that the field isn't cut for everyone, but I believe I have the heart and compassion and patience to handle it. Again, whatever happens, happens.

My life is kind of up in the air right now. About everything!

p.s. i totally ate an entire kitkat bar today.... aaah! 

I've been totally busy lately, and it feels like I havent been updating much, but maybe I am, I have no idea.

Anyways... the scale is being consistant around 296 lately... which is totally good considering two weeks ago it was at 300 and maybe more, given the day. I'm totally thrilled that I'm not seeing that 300 number... EVER again. Phew!

I had leftover spaghetti this morning for breakfast... and I havent been hungry since. I have to work at 1 and I know that if I dont eat something I'll get hungry then, so i made a lean cuisine and some broccoli, but I ended up just eating the broccoli... plus I cleaned like crazy this morning! It was definitely a productive morning, so hopefully i worked off some of that spaghetti =).

Im not going to weigh myself again until this weekend, so we'll see how that turns out. It's right inside my bedroom door, so I want to step on it everytime I walk past... but I know I have to stop. Not that I'm obsessed, I'm just curious, haha.

Okay... this had to be quick because I still have to shower and get ready, plus grab the coffee i promised myself I'd get if I cleaned this morning! Off I go! 

Okay... when I left this past weekend, my scale said 300.0... it now says 297.2... thank you very much! I'm definitely sure it would have been more, but I was pretty NOT strict with myself about what I ate this weekend. I did make better choices than what I could have, but i didn't completely blow off everything. I was at a cookout with nothing that was good for you (except watermelon!)... which i did eat multiple items but I limited how much I ate. I also got a fry bread with cinnamon and sugar and a sasparilla at the 4th festivities... totally not good for you, haha, but i split the fry bread with my mom. We went out for breakfast one morning and since they really only serve breakfast foods when you go out to breakfast, i ended up getting strawberry pancakes but i only ate about 1/3 of them (they were delicious, so i'm impressed I didnt eat more!) On my 2 hour drive back home today i did go through the drive-thru and get a roast beef sandwich and an order of curly fries... but i only ate a few bites of the fries only because of the fact that i could NOT justify eating them (totally a step forward for me!)

All in all, I know i could have done better this weekend, but it was a holiday weekend and I did make conscious choices about food. This week is right back on track! (although, i'm going to have to do with what I have here, as i just bought a brand new couch and honestly cant go to the grocery store until next week (or at least wendesday!).. haha.) 






 

Im going to make this quick since my cousin and i are in the middle of playing guitar hero and we're switching off between songs...

Tonight was dinner with the fam. It was grilled chicken (good) and chips and dip (not so good). I ran downstairs and grabbed some frozen veggies and cooked those up. I only ate about 3 chips, really! I was pretty proud that I didnt eat chips and dip... since i looove it, haha. We also drove up to my aunt and uncles new land and stopped to get ice cream on the way back. I did get some, but it fit into my caloric intake! My goal for these next 5 days is to come home and step on the scale and see it with a good drop! I'm pretty excited for that, and motivated. 

I totally love carnival food, too... especially the indian fry bread (totally sounds NOT healthy, and its not... dough, deep fried, dipped in cinnamon and sugar... hahaha)... I might just still have to get one and just exercise like crazy and eat REAL good the rest of the day, haha. 
I might be able to pass it up though. that or split it with the entire group im with =). 

Otherwise, I'm pretty proud about doing good with the fam tonight. I've just got to keep it up!

Okay.

I cheated...

I weighed myself.



 

But it was good motivation! I'm already losing! I've been around the same weight for a couple of weeks now, so to see that scale say a number that was lower than all of those... well, thats just the icing on the cake! I know I can keep this up. I've honestly never been so motivated before about losing weight!

Last night wasn't as bad as i thought it may be when it came to dinner with "my other fam."

I also picked up some egg whites from the store... despite the fact that I dont like eggs. I'm begining to think its more the taste than anything. Egg whites really dont taste like anything, haha. I chopped up a bunch of green and red pepper, and threw in some cooked broccoli, let that heat up for a while and then poured in some egg whites. I also made a half of a bagel (just incase the eggs weren't doing it for me)... but I ended up eating half of the veggie egg mix and only about 3 bites of bagel. I was satisfied with that! I wasnt hungry until lunch! I did have frozen pizza with the kids today though, but I did count all of it into my calorie limit for the day... and I still have around 1,000 left. That'll be plenty for dinner and a snack later! 

This weekend is going to be my first real challenge... not only is it the 4th of July, but i'll be heading home this weekend to see the family. I haven't told any of them that I'm doing all of this... (we'll get to that later)... so I'll be tempted with foods galore. I really think I have the willpower this time around to NOT eat what they're eating. I'm GOING to do this. I'm not going to let myself fall off of the wagon! 

Okay, the reason I'm not telling anyone (besides my two friends Gina and Jared) is that I really want THEM to see results and then say something about it. Maybe thats weird, I dont know. I want to lose enough weight that people notice. I know that'll be a huge boost if someone says something! I also want to show everyone that I can do it! I told Gina and Jared because they are my closest friends.... also, Gina is getting in shape for her wedding coming up next year. We went to try on wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses... looking at those pictures made me really unhappy about how I look. Normally I'm not too hard on myself, but I didnt even want to look at those pictures. I tried on a bunch of styles of the dresses, and I'm looking forward to wearing one in the wedding but being smaller! It'll be so fun to look at pictures of trying on dresses and then looking at the wedding photos and seeing such a difference! I know I can do it! They are also both very encouraging and although they are both tiny things already (jared is actually trying to gain weight, haha), I really feel comfortable with them. They've never made me feel any different. They are really a blessing during everything. 

Well... wish me luck this weekend. I know I can do it =). 

By the way, sparkpeople is really amazing. haha. Totally takes all of the work out of counting calories! 

First of all, I want to say that i took my "before" pictures today. Yuck! I'm excited for these progress and after pictures! I'm not lookin' so good... haha.

Second... I was invited to stay for dinner tonight by Leah and the fam... Dont get me wrong, I'm totally excited to have dinner with them and NOT be working... but I knew it was coming.... having to eat foods that I cant control. I know I can control how much I eat and what I choose to eat (and they are a relativly healthy eating family) but just knowing that I wont know exactly for sure what we're eating makes me anxious. I know it's something I'm going to have to get used to though. I made dessert for tonight, so I knew it was something I could control. It smells SO good!  I know we're having chicken and green beans for dinner, so I'm not too worried that it'll be something terrible nutrition wise. 

I made roasted banana bars  from cooking light for dessert. It took forever (almost 2 hours to finish everything), so hopefully they're worth it! I have to cut them into 24 bars, then each will have 221 calories a piece. 

I need to get back into the habit of taking my metformin for PCOS again... I was good yesterday, but already forgot to take it this morning... agh! The thing is is that I need to take it with food or else i get VERY nauseous... very VERY nauseous. Its happened twice and I'm not going to take the chance of it happening again. I think i need to just start carrying it around in my purse again... that seemed to work. I always had it with me and had no excuse for not taking it.

Day one, over. Success? I'd like to think so.

Today was hard, I'm not going to lie. I knew what was coming, and I knew what needed to be done.... its just hard. It will be hard, but I know it'll get easier. I'm in the process of switching my mindset, and I was totally at battle with myself all day. I never realized how many non-conscious food choices I make. I also eat due to environmental cues, rather than eating when Im hungry. Lets do a run-down.

Breakfast.

I had a bagel with cream cheese (that i measured out to two tablespoons... and I actually use less than that) and then a handful of almonds. I didnt feel satisfied, so I need to find something else. I think it was the fact that I had such "bland" food... at least "bland" in my mind. I need something fruity... like.. fruit. Haha. I bought some fiber one peach yogurt (although i dont care for yogurt much)... just to see if adding that in will help. I also picked up some slimfast, which suprisingly made me feel satisfied when I had it (along with lunch)... so I might just try that for breakfast and add in something solid, like string cheese or yogurt or almonds... something. I'm learning. 

I had a conscious mid morning snack of 1 cup of watermelon chunks. Maddie and I ate them together and enjoyed eachothers company... as much as you can enjoy the company of a 2 year old =). She's pretty cute though, so it wasnt too bad. 

Lunch was a baked potato with 1/2 tablespoon unsalted butter and 2 tbsp sour cream, a side salad with lite cucumber dressing, and then slim fast after. It was a satisfying lunch, so I was pretty happy about that. 

Afternoon snack was a string cheese and a 100 cal pack. Honestly, I had planned on sharing the 100 cal pack with the boys, but they didnt want it (it was a 3 pack mini twinkie thing). it was only 180 cal for the snack, so it wasnt that bad... plus it kept me satisfied until dinner. 

Ahh, dinner. Here's the thing. Im not really sure how much I should be eating as far as calories go... so I posted on 100pouds2lose about how many calories to eat a day and got a link to figure it out. My maintaining caloric intake according to this BMR calculator was 2999 calories. To lose, you need to cut that by between 500-1000, but not going below 1,200. If I cut that by 500, Im down to around 2500 calories a day, 2000 if its cut by 1000. I was only at around 1200 for the day, so for dinner i needed something filling, yet not necessarily bad for you. My sister had left her szechuan chicken here, so I ate that. It came out to around 750 calories for what I was eating. Quite a lot, but I wanted to make sure I ate as many calories as I'm supposed to be eating and not go too low, but not go over. I also had a latte tonight while going to B&N, so add on 120 for that and I'm around 2000. 

It was not easy today to constantly think about what I could eat. I know it's always hard to go through the first week or two, but everytime I've started eating healthier, I've lost between 5-8lbs the first week. It'll get easier as I know what I can eat and how much it'll put me back as far as calories go. I'm not going to be super strict after the first week or two as far as "this is such and such calories"... but it'll be more like, this meal is around 600 calories total, kind of thing.

As far as activity today? Maddie and I walked to get hudson from school. It was probably a good mile and a half pushing a stroller... which isnt a lot, but it was more than what I could have done... we could have taken the car. It was gorgeous out today (and by gorgeous, i mean in the lower 60s and cloudy... i wasnt going to sweat the moment i walked out the door!) and I figured it'd be a good way to get in some activity. Total for walking was around 45 minutes. I honestly have no idea how far I walked, I'll figure it out tomorrow. 

One thing i did notice today was that I was extremely tired. I was fine until lunch and then it was downhill from there. I was cranky and tired and had no energy to do anything. I did get about 2 hours less than I'm used to getting as far as sleep goes, but it wasnt anything out of the ordinary. I was also irratable and had a slight headache. I'm not about to get my period, and the only thing I can think of that I did differently was I started taking my metformin again. I dont think that did me in though. Maybe I was just exausted after the totally fun filled weekend... and maybe it was my allergies just kicking my butt. Whatever it was, I hope its not present tomorrow!

Its really hard not to step on my scale. I feel like I need to put it away until a week passes, as I've decided that I'm only going to weigh myself every week. Im used to stepping on everyday and seeing that terrible 300 number. The next time I step on, I want to see a number starting with a 2. 

So I made it through day one. Day one in the loooong journey ahead. I'm still totally pumped for this and I'm super psyched about becoming healthier! Honestly, one of my greatest motivations is that I want some "after" pictures. Looking at after pictures is one of the most inspiring things for me... knowing that someone else who was at my weight or around it can do it, well heck, i can do it too. I've had a lot of inner arguments today... but I've also had a lot of cheering on and encouragement inside, as well. I specifically remember walking down the stairs thinking to myself, "you're going to be so proud of yourself! Dont let yourself fall behind, remember how good you'll feel when you make a good decision!". I need to start thinking like this more often!

Day two... here we come =)

Well. I just had my last hoorah. I wont say what it was, but only that I probably REALLY shouldnt eat that when I start this business! 

I also bought some new walking/running shoes for myself. Motivation, yes. They're absolutely adorable and I was immediately drawn to them since they are hot pink! Plus, they donate directly to Susan G Komen which I'm pretty pumped about =). I'm totally excited to get out there and show off my adorable little pink shoes! 


Did you have a last hoorah right before your weight loss journey? 

Did you reward your self with anything after losing weight or as a kick off?

Let me know!

Since I'm not too sure how I want this first entry to go, I'll start it out with just numbers and info, then elaborate later.

Current weight: 300.0 (ouch!)

Healthy Goal weight: 155

Ultimate Goal weight: 135

Measurements:

Chest: 49.5 in
Waist: 49.5 in
Hips: 60 in

5% Goal: 15 lbs (285lbs)
Time to reach 5% goal:1-2 months (August/September09)

10% Goal: 30lbs. (270lbs)
Time to reach 10% goal: 3-4 months (October/November09)

20% Goal: 60lbs (240lbs)
Time to reach 20% goal: 7-8 months (February/March10)

30% Goal: 90 lbs (210lbs) 
Time to reach 30% goal: 11-12 months (June-July10)

40% Goal: 120 lbs (180lbs)
Time to reach 40% goal: 15-16 months (October/November10)

50% Goal: 150 lbs (Healthy Goal Weight! 150lbs!)
Time to reach 50% goal: 19-20 months (February/March11)

These are tentative goal dates. If I seem to be making progress faster than average, I'll change the goal dates. This is reasonable as I have lost 25lbs before in 3 months... so it seems to be my average. 

I want to lose weight for numerous reasons. Most importantly, for my health! My family has a history of heart disease and my Grandfather has diabetes. I also have been diagnosed with PCOS, and weight loss is the only potential "cure" for this. PCOS is a leading cause of fertility in overweight women, and I'm so frightened that come the time when I finally meet that special someone (we'll get to that later), that we'll have difficulties conceiving children. My dream job is to be a mom, and I know that I will be so disappointed in myself if I hold myself back. If the weight loss doesnt take care of PCOS, I know that I will have tried and will have created a healthier me regardless. 

My weight is holding me back from doing things I want to. I'd love to travel, but in my mind I feel like I need to lose weight before I do that. I want to be able to walk long distances without getting tired so easily. I hold myself back from doing things I want to just because of my weight. I'd love to kayak or canoe, but not at this weight. I'd love to ride a road bike... but not at this weight. I'd love to go hiking, but not at this weight. The list goes on and on and I'm tired of making excuses. My weight has held me back long enough. The moment I stepped on the scale and it was over 300, that was it. Something has to change.

My family is overweight as well. My mom has been overweight since she had my sister 28 years ago. She has lost close to 60 or so lbs, but seems to have plateaued at that. She's still working towards weight loss, but not as much as she could be. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in February of 09 and had a double mastectomy. She's doing well now and I feel she'll be able to get back on track. My dad was overweight but through retiring his sit-down job and getting a new job at at landscape design and nursery, he's lost and kept off the weight and although he could afford to lose a few lbs, he's not at an 'unhealthy' weight. My sister is close to where I am. She's about 5 inches shorter than I am, but only wears a size smaller than me. She was a healthy weight her first go in college, and has since gained all of her weight. She's a major in cuilinary arts, so being constantly surrounded by food doesnt help her. My weight stems from childhood. Unlike my sister, I have always been overweight... at least ever since I can really remember. I'd say it was around 3rd grade when I had to switch schools that I turned to food for comfort. At that time, my sister was the only one in the family who maintained a healthy weight. Our family didn't eat well and we werent too concerned about what we ate. My sister was in highschool and was in sports. She ate at school and worked in the evenings, so she was constantly on the go and doing activites, usually not eating with the family.

My eating food for comfort turned into eating food because I was bored. I rarely eat food because I'm upset... I just eat when I'm bored. When I do,I dont choose healthy foods. 

I also tend to over eat. I'll eat too much of something, and dont stop when I'm satisfied. My portions are too big. Maybe I should make a list of things I need to change... that might help =)

Things that need to change:

Portion control -- eat smaller portions/meals
Stop when I'm content, not full!
No more fast food-- if its the only choice, make healthy decisions
Drink more water-- any water beverage, really. Tea, crystal light, etc. 
Eat at home -- limit eating at restaurants
Make good choices -- if I am at a restaurant, watch the portions! Order something healthy and only eat half.
Veggies- I need to start eating more veggies. 
Lean Proteins- Incorporate protein into every meal
Multi-vitamin- find a multi-vitamin to take
Take Metformin - get back on track and take your medicine!
Activities-- get out there and do things! Remind yourself that having fun with the kids outside counts as exercise! Take walks with the kids, have races until you're exausted, go to the nature trail and take a hike, ride your bike to work, etc. EA Active is a fun alternative, as well!
Get support-- Make some friends online to help support yourself in weight loss!
Stay on track! Remember, this is a promise to yourself! 
Remember the long term goal, but shoot for the short term! 150lbs is a lot to lose... You're losing half of yourself! Remind yourself what you're working towards and those short term goals will seem much easier to obtain! 15lbs is much easier than 150lbs!
Update the blog. Record how you felt today, what you could have done differently, and what you want to change, things you liked that you did, anything pertaining to your journey!
Dont think of this as a "diet," but rather a lifestyle change... a lifestyle change for the better! You're an amazing person and you're going to look amazing, too!
Its okay to treat yourself!... just dont eat too much =)

Well. Here we are. its June 29, 2009. I hope that by June 29, 2010, I can give you MY totally AWESOME before and after pictures!

Current Goal: 5% goal, 15lbs. by August/September

Starting Weight: 300.0 lbs